Bulletproof Sombreros

Earlier in the week BPS wrote an article about Boner being missing.  It now turns up that Boner has been found but dead.  Well this is awkward.  Boner Stabone 1968 – 2010.  Boner we hardly knew ya.

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In case you missed it BPS sponsored a C.I.L.F. showdown between Cheryl Bernard and the Canada Cougars and Carmen Schaefer and the Swiss Tongue Rings. It was an epic battle of wits and pony tails. While most C.I.L.F.’s could only watch this battle of from the side lines, Cheryl and Carmen demonstrated why they were awarded the prestigious nominations that they did. In the end Cheryl demonstrated her experience as a Cougar and in the process stole the hearts of an entire nation, Loisaida. Carmen you put in a valiant effort, but certain things can only come with decades of C.I.L.F.-ing. Carmen you are out of this competition but you will forever live in the hearts of the BPS faithful.

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Daily Mail – Anyone would be forgiven for thinking Lady Gaga had found herself a new career. But the outrageous singer hasn’t given up on the pop charts to chase off birds, but has become the inspiration for a farmer’s scarecrow.

Nigel Britten, who is the assistant manager at Whelan Farm, near Warlingham, Surrey, was getting fed up with pigeons munching on his wheat crops and had racked his brains to think of a way to save his livelihood.

My fiancee Marti joked that I should make a scarecrow which looked like her. I laughed and then it occurred to me it was actually a very good idea.

Courtesy of the Method:

Very good idea? Yeah great idea, Mr. Britten. Maybe you should try growing better vegetables and spend less time actually doing everything your fiancée suggests. Sounds like a Stage 5 clinger if you ask me.

And seriously? Lady GaGa’s Brit Awards attire looks like leftover, HGH-injected cauliflower in a Bed Bath & Beyond bedsheet. You had to go make a replica and destroy a perfectly good farm with Lady Douchecrow. And all this time I thought Lady GaGa was a scarecrow. Kids these days with their crazy outfits and hairdos…

I’ll be uploading a petition soon to get this scarecrow taken down before more farms feature Lady GaGa replicas with a hay vagina.

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NBC -

A Beverly Hills cosmetic surgeon says a woman’s size-D breast implants might have saved her life when a gunman opened fire at her office.

Lydia Carranza was working at the Simi Valley dental office July 1 when her co-worker, the gunman’s wife, was shot and killed.

Carranza was just a few feet away. She survived a gunshot to the chest, but the the bullet left a scar and deflated the implant.

Carranza was working at the Simi Valley, not to be confused will Sillicon Valley, dental office when shots went off and her tits deflated.  Sounds like the beginning to a good porno if you ask me.

Maybe we should have called this blog, Bulletproof Chests.  This article is as fake as those breasts.

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Supposedly K-Rod from the Mets has pink eye.  Word on the street is that he’s been seen around the Jersey Shore hanging out with Vinny.  I guess this counts as a Mets injury.  You put your face in the wrong strippers butt crack and next thing you know the whole ballclub gets quarantined.  BTW, I searched for a pic for K-rod and everything that came up was about that show Krod Mangoon, so I thought I’d just roll with it.

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PETA supposedly is at it with a new ad campaign.  Not quite sure this one works too well though.  PETA is planning on placing ads with Tiger Woods reading “Too Much Sex Can Be a Bad Thing”.  Last time I checked sex was great.  Who doesn’t love sex.  Tiger Woods loves sex.  Bill Clinton loves sex.  Even John Wayne Bobbit loves sex.  Also I don’t know if I get this ad too much.  Is Tiger Woods having sex with your cats and dogs too?  Is that where they are going with this?

You know whats really a bad thing.  I can’t find videos or pics of the pornstars Tiger Woods banged through Google anymore.  Everytime I get a news article about Tiger Woods banging these chicks.  What does a man have to do to get a good Joslyn James double penetration movie these days.  I guess its back to the old days when I had to flip the switch on the box of my parent’s cable box in order to get the Spice channel.  Thanks Tiger, thanks.

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What’s up Bulletproof Faithful? If you haven’t heard of it yet, I’m here to bring you up to speed on the finest sports comedy show in the New York City area, and perhaps the world round. And now, without further adieu… 12 Angry Mascots!

This monthly comedy gem has been gracing NYC’s Comix Comedy Club with their monthly spot of sports-related comedy sketches, mixing up-and-coming comedians with big name athletes from the world of sports. Hosts Scott Rogowsky (writer, The Onion News Network) and Neil Janowitz (writer, ESPN The Magazine) are the dynamic duo behind this genius of a creation. They also have their hand in The NFL Writers’ Room, a weekly web video series picked up by ESPN that works off of the concept that the NFL is scripted. Naturally, hilarity ensues. We caught up with Scott for a brief interview before tomorrow night’s edition of 12 Angry Mascots, and here’s what he had to say:

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(CNN) — A killer whale killed a trainer Wednesday afternoon at SeaWorld in Orlando, Florida, a spokesman for the Orange County Fire Department said.

The spokesman, John Mulhall, said the trainer was pronounced dead at the scene.

The incident did not occur during a performance, said a spokeswoman for SeaWorld, who added that more information was to be released soon.

Nope this isn’t another movie review for Free Willy.  It’s about a killer whale that killed.  Go figure.  What did they expect to happen? Have nice long conversations with the whale and talk things out.  It’s a KILLER whale. And what more information does CNN need to reveal.  Does a killer whale need to be provoked? It’s in their nature along with their name.  Killer whale killed, nothing more, move along, case closed.  That is unless the whale is friends with Siegfried and Roy’s tiger.  In the case we got another story developing.

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Well it’s not as good as the return of a Super Bowl MVP caliber player but its good to see a familiar face from the dyanasty years back in a system he is comfortable with. He put up 3rd reciever type numbers in his career with New England and although it is 6 years later hopefully he still has the route running ability to fill up some holes. I like it. I think I may enjoy a cheeseburger on this one (Eat This!) Now if we only still had the law firm.

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12 months translated in Estonian.

Looked into it on Google Translate…valid.

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